Today is probably the best overall day I’ve had since the outbreak of COVID-19, the bastard of a virus that’s keeping sensible people away from each other. Today, I have ambition and ideas (which is why I’m finally able to break from writer’s block and finally post here again). Today, I was able to do more than wake up and exist for a while. For the first time in months, I accomplished tasks and felt human. It was awesome. It felt like I was back in school again, like I had something to work towards.

But how did I suddenly get this feeling back?

The answer, dear reader, is sillier than it should be.

I’m sure others have used all of their time at home picking up skills or hobbies. I definitely paid lip service to the idea. I finally read some fiction instead of news for the first time in months (shout out to Robert Brockway for making Carrier Wave impossible to put down). I plucked a few chords on my guitar. I clicked the strum bar on my Guitar Hero controller. I somehow gained an interest in Nerf, airsoft, and actual firearms simultaneously, and made plans to build or modify each of them.

But the clarion call of video games and podcasts was impossible to ignore, and all of those well-laid plans became more hours of Bloodborne and Shadowverse. I couldn’t bring myself to stick with a project; there was just too much to listen to, and the foul streets of Yharnam had to be cleansed. Ambition turned to lazy routine: wake up too late, play games, sleep, repeat. I was on hard, unstructured autopilot until I was asked a simple question this afternoon.

“Are you sure you’re OK?”

I answered with the socially required “Yeah, for sure,” but it didn’t sound convincing at all. This was worse than the normal autopilot that I used to deal with breaks between semesters. I had to sit back and take stock. What, aside from this nasty virus, is different?

An hour later, on my way out the door to my office, it hit me. There was a missing weight in my jacket pocket that I realized should have been there; my pill bottle.

I realized then I hadn’t taken an Adderall in three months. I didn’t even know where the bottle was. Absolutely brilliant of me to finally get the prescription last year, see positive enough effects that I can directly attribute it to passing college (next time’s story), and then completely forget about it in the advent of this pandemic. I dug the bottle out of a pile of hoodies, took a dose, and became myself again.

What’s the lesson learned? Don’t be dumb and forget important things because of a lull. Remember what drives you. Thanks to some weird brain chemistry, for me, that’s sweet, sweet dextroamphetamine. Starting tomorrow, having fixed the mistake that led to my malaise and laziness, the plan is to find at least one productive thing to do every day. Bloodborne is amazing, but I’ve beaten it to death in the five years since its release. I can wait to do it again.

Next time: I thank this medication I somehow forgot about for getting me through my last semester of college.